#6: Curiosity as a Bridge to Connect
To give you an idea of where I’m coming from when I talk about curiosity, let me first be upfront with a strong bias of mine: Curiosity is one of my core values (I have ~5 total).
I hold curiosity in high esteem because curiosity is the root of knowledge, wisdom, growth, creativity, fairness, love, compassion, and many other significant parts that exist within the scope of the human experience.
To be genuinely curious, I’ve always imagined that one must have any level of authentic desire to explore and/or know about something other than ourselves.
Curiosity allows us to have interest in another person’s life, circumstances, and thoughts, but it is also driven by inspiration to both know and explore the world to varying degrees.
It’s curiosity that stirs our hearts and leads us to wanting to learn, make changes, and be vulnerable with others through the Spiral of Give & Take.
I’ll explore the Spiral of Give & Take more in the future, but it came up in my research a few times and I couldn’t resist mentioning an important nugget of wisdom I found in it.
I was enlightened by this idea that we use curiosity - especially genuine, deep curiosity - to strengthen our relationships in more meaningful ways, usually by asking questions and listening; this is especially prevalent when we alternate back-and-forth in conversation, as it’s a significant way we can establish trust, deeper understanding, and even a greater sense of security.
By no means does this mean we have to be deeply curious at all points of interaction! In fact, it’s important to take a break from swimming in the depths so we can splash in the shallow end and take a break from the heavier conversations! Yet if we stay in the shallows of curiosity the entire time, we risk missing out on those meaningful and fulfilling connections that help us feel seen and valued as our authentic selves (Shigeoka, p. 39-40).
The point is, there are important uses for both shallow and deep curiosity.
While there’s an unquestionable merit to respecting our abilities and staying where we can swim comfortably, we also put ourselves at an increased risk by clinging to this self-perceived ‘safe space’ out of fear for the discomfort that being curious might bring - because being curious is at the core of connections and vulnerability.
If you don’t know where to start with being curious, let me help by offering this: Speaking from personal experiences, sometimes the solution is just starting small with what you know you can do - not what you want to do!
For me, I thrived when I found someone who was willing to be patient and steadily taught me how to swim in the deep end.
For others, the struggle is being curious with another person; so try starting with being curious towards yourself! If you can’t be curious with another, don’t get angry with yourself - get curious and ask about yourself, your needs, and why you’re struggling (e.g.: Is it a trauma wound or a general discomfort with vulnerability?).
Just like with learning to swim in real water, once you know the basics and build some confidence in your ability to swim, it’s a matter of practicing and improving your abilities steadily through changing our habits (I’ll write about the significance of habits in due time~).
The reality we need to accepting is that nobody mastered any of these skills overnight, and we’re not all starting from the same place - not even the authors that wrote the books we learn these things from!
In other words, try to be forgiving towards yourself, but also with others; we’re all going through our own personal journeys at different paces, all of us with different circumstances and barriers that we’re naturally unaware of.
Perhaps that’s a beautiful place to start being curious, with asking what someone (yourself included) might be going through at this moment in time?
Titled “Pono” (2023), which I learned is a Hawaiian word for harmony and balance, as well as a value. Actually, Pono has a variety of meanings, including but not limited to: Righteousness, the strive for excellence, prosperity, and a state of equity (which is an elevated form of equality!). The term evolved over time, and today has the meaning of finding balance within oneself, others, the land, work, and life - none of these being any more or less important than the other.
Citation:
Shigeoka, S. (2023). Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World. (1st Ed.). Balance, Hachette Book Group. P. 39-40.