#15: Change, an Ambiguous Entity
I’ve long believed that change can be a peculiar thing.
Truthfully, it can be everywhere and in everything. It exists in the past, the present, and the future. Not only that, but change can be something that you never predict, something you can foresee and/or attempt to ignore (Key Word: Attempt).
But change can be exciting when there's something to look forward to.
The thing is, while you can be caught in the chaos and storm of it, there are also times where it feels almost peaceful - like life is at a pause or standing still, where you see the flow within the chaos.
“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
It is in these moments that I personally tend to try and enjoy change in its chaotic glory, while also trying to be aware of the fact that this peace or stress that I may be feeling is temporary.
I’ve noticed though that, for some people, they chase their own tails resisting change - it’s more common than we realize, and I’m guilty of it myself. Eventually, we tend to chomp down on our own tails, inevitably ruining that peaceful moment ourselves rather than letting it pass naturally and in its own time.
Even if things are out of our control - which is a frightening thought for many people on its own - we can find that lack of control liberating. This recognition of being out-of-control can sometimes even be therapeutic if we have an optimistic approach to it.
When we are constantly in control of a situation, these moments where we lack control can feel significantly more overwhelming.
Our excitement for change is heavily dependent on whether the change is sudden, expected, or whether we feel like we can trust the process we’re about to experience. Whether the process involves adapting to a change in routine, or the loss of something comforting and familiar, change is a process.
Change can be especially frightening when it involves loss - after all, there’s this feeling of missing something that leaves us with a foreboding sense of yearning or loss.
We can have feelings of missing what has passed, coming in the forms of whimsical nostalgia, hopeful reminiscing, or grief.
We can miss and grieve many things - grieving the time we’ve lost, a relationship we never had, important people who have passed, the places never to return, the friendships we've lost via breakup or mutual falling out, etc.
Grief is one of the most difficult feelings that I have had to manage, simply because it can truly interrupt so many parts of my life, big and small, and sometimes it can happen suddenly - no matter how much joy I may be experiencing in that moment.
Grief has the potential to be far more complex in how it affects your life.
Try as I might, the only way my grief has become truly easier to deal with is by inviting it for a cup of tea and just letting grief be there and exist within the scope of my life.
However painful grief has been at times, grief has also helped me to connect with the world better; by experiencing grief first-hand, it has brought me closer to my humanity, thus deepening my compassion for others - because grief can connect us just as powerfully as it can divide us in our pain.
Grief, as I've come to cope with it, is a powerful reminder.
For me, it can be a reminder that I would not miss something so powerfully if I did not still love it.
In this thought, I have found myself truly humbled and privileged, for I must have truly loved something to be able to still miss them even after time has passed. <3
However, like I said before: While change can be unpleasant because of all these factors, it can be exciting if there's something to look forward to.
As I write this post, I’m 27 years old. I have much to experience, and I’ve yet to hit my 30s. However, I’ve experienced a fair amount of change in my life so far, both natural and self-inflicted (traveling is too alluring, what can I say~?).
Every shift has lead to subtle and immense changes in my life; while a stationary routine at home offered comfort, this shifting lifestyle has allowed me to improve my adaptability.
The fluid lifestyle that I adopted has improved my stress tolerance, but it has also pushed me to develop a number of tricks to help me embrace the unpreventable change. While there are plenty more - perhaps with more subtle nuances and/or substantial differences - these seven have been the most beneficial in my own experiences for processing change:
Accept that Change is Natural and Inevitable: Every single one of us has experienced change in every phase of our lives, in both subtle and monumental ways - anyone who says they haven't is either lying or doesn't understand the concept of ‘Change’.
Find Joy in the Chaos: When I recognize stress, but don't let that stress take control of my thoughts and actions, it becomes significantly easier to find enjoyment in said change; once I find the joy in my own chaos, I am less prone to having stress taking control of my thoughts and actions.
As far as I know, there are two (2) primary cycles that you can choose from when approaching change: Positive and Negative Cycles*
*We can touch on this more in a future post!
Find a ‘Constant’, but DON’T be Controlling w/ It: To clarify, in this context a ‘constant’ is merely something that provides us familiarity that can ground us to the joys of the moment. I’ve found activities to be more liberating and joy-inducing, hugely due to the endorphins an activity is more likely to bring me - material objects are sufficient if need be, but I found that material possessions are easier to lose access to in our chaos.
For me, I found Buddhism and Photography to be my ‘constants’ to help ground me in something I find joy in; Buddhism gives me a spiritual practice that helps ground my soul, while photography is an activity that brings me joy. It is different for everyone, but the important thing is that we find something to help ground us in the joys of the present - something that allows us to find our flow when things are out of our control. ^-^
Control is the enabler to stress in times of change!!!
Let Go of Control: This is the key that opens up so many doors. The more you try to hold on to what’s changing, the harder it is to let go because we've put more of ourselves (such as assets, time and energy) into what will inevitably be gone. We cannot stop reality from happening, so we may as well go with the flow of the process and invest ourselves into whatever remains while we still have it, rather than losing the opportunity we do have and inputting resources trying to prevent the inevitable.
Find Someone to Talk to: Be it family, friends, or a professional therapist, it doesn't hurt to have a solid confidant in our lives to support and keep us grounded. Additionally, in order to remain humble and practice humility, we need someone who is willing to tell us the difficult truths that we may not be aware of ourselves.
Note: Humility is NOT humiliation!!!
Change Your Mindset: This one takes discipline in mindfulness, and sometimes straight determination. The mindfulness to be self-aware of our string of consciousness, and the determination to say, “I want this, so I’m going for it and I won’t get in my own way.”
Instead of fearing change, I ask myself: What makes it scary? How can I find something to look forward to? What is there to be excited about instead?
Nothing we say “Goodbye” to Will be TRULY Gone Forever: Like I said earlier, to miss something is to love something enough that there is something worth missing. The physical circumstances may change, but the remnants of it will still be in my heart, especially if I journal about it.
Note: Journaling is a great way to take note of your consciousness, life events, and daily events. I am inconsistent at journaling, but we often underestimate the significance of each moment we do choose to commit to our goals.
We can attempt to avoid change, but the truth is that change is inevitable; change is an intimidating force with no intention of waiting for you. It often leaves many people disoriented and confused, potentially even lost.
Change is a complex-yet-straightforward reality in that it is certain to happen.
However, it doesn’t have to be scary - it can undoubtedly be daunting, but it can also be exciting with the right perspective, mindset, and support.
How that will look for you is something only you can discover within the context of your own life.
Titled "Fall in Season" (2022), this image is indicative of change - while Autumn used to symbolize the end of Summer and the beginning of a new school year, it is now more symbolic of the entire concept of change for me.
In Autumn 2019, Japan taught me the beauty of these final colors, truly appreciating these conclusive bursts of vibrant pigments as a final display of animation before hibernation. Change brought wonder.
In Autumn 2022, I was undergoing a turbulent transition into my final quarter at UW, the foreboding anxiety of my capstone weighing on me despite the finish line being at the end. Change brought intimidation.
Now, with Autumn 2024 around the corner, I see the potential of my next transition. Change is bringing excitement.
The humor I found in this entire post was that all of this came from the single thought that, “Adulting is way more complex and complicated than I thought it would be when I was a teen, and damn has my perspective shifted after going through so much change.”
Citations & Inspirations:"